Globally speaking, Australia is a cultural adolescent.

That’s why our layman knowledge of a country as thematically rich as Egypt is limited to brochures and the Queen of the Nile pokie machine.

We know bugger-all about the Arabian state beyond the Pyramids — the originals, not those awarding 15 free games — and this certainly extends to its football team.

Our mighty Socceroos will face Egypt in a World Cup round-of-32 eliminator at 4am AEST this Saturday, with Tony Popovic’s men gunning for a historic maiden win in the tournament knockout phase.

As soccer parents bank their final few hours of sleep before the weekend rush to under-9s, us footy-coded Joe Blows will ponder one main question about our opponents:

The greatest headache the Pharaohs present Australia exists up front in their marquee man Mohamed Salah.

Who are these nevilles?

To the untrained eye, the Egyptians appear like a low- profile prospect ripe for the taking.

But that’s only because they’re not Brazil and none of their players feature on the Xbox, nor is there a heap of Cairo FC bootleg kits from Temu in our laundry piles.

But while certainly not a sexy football nation like the South American juggernaut with a squad that’s 25,000 times over the NRL salary cap, this team known as “The Pharaohs” is a seven-time African champion that’s as dangerous and unpredictable as the little quiet guy in the Yakuza.

Add an impressive form line of only three losses from their past 13 games, and it’s evident this isn’t a mysterious pyramid scheme.

And not only in the same boat as the Socceroos in seeking their first knockout win, the Egyptians have serious personal beef with Australia to resolve.

Yes, the Aussies will be desperate to avenge the Olyroos’ group stage defeat to the Egyptians at the Tokyo Olympics, and of course, the Suez Crisis of 1956.

But Egypt are certainly still fuming about the Good Friday riot of 1915 when our boozed-up soldiers destroyed Cairo’s red light district, plus how we’ve boorishly hijacked their IP for pokies.

And considering we can’t even rely on our hosts to deliver another Iran-style conspiracy — Egypt ignored LGBTQI festivities in their final pool match so it almost certainly guarantees they’ll have Donald Trump onside too — it means this week Popovic will be busier than David Beckham in the ad breaks.

Boasting all the hallmarks of a boilerplate African team, Egypt are passionate, tempestuous, and helmed by an eccentric coach in Hossam Hassan who went so ballistic last year over a loss that he blamed it on a conspiracy about hotel mosquitoes.

But the greatest headache the Pharaohs present Australia exists up front in their marquee man Mohamed Salah.

With 255 goals in 435 appearances for Liverpool, Salah is an icon of the modern game with a venomous left-foot that can single-handedly sink the Socceroos and a colossal wallet that could buy the entire squad when he’s done.

While the danger man is in his twilight at age 34 and also carrying a hamstring injury — plus coming off a doggone season at the Merseyside club that saw him depart in May after undermining the coach like Arabia’s version of Lachie Galvin — he along with Manchester City’s Omar Marmoush will occupy most of the Socceroos’ paranoia.

And while tipped to join the lucrative Saudi Premier League to play retiree-ball while his net worth is thickened with petrodollars, a half-fit half-retired Salah is enough of a stomach ulcer to consume most of Popovic’s planning.

So beware this Saturday of an Egypt side with the pedigree and the performers to make us take notice.

And come full-time, it may be a nation known to us average Aussies for more than its gaming machines.