The Ashes: England’s shambolic batting hands Australia the advantage on 20 wicket day

England’s Ashes series from hell has reached a shambolic new low.

And it all unravelled on Australian cricket’s biggest day, in front of the largest crowd that has ever watched the sport in this country.

After sending Australia in to bat, then cleaning them up for 152 in their best session of cricket of the entire tour, England’s pathetic batting let them down again and they were rolled for 110.

The tourists finished the first day of the Boxing Day Test at the MCG 42 runs behind, with Australia sensationally batting for a second time in the same day. They reached stumps 0-4 after Victorian hero Scott Boland survived one over as Travis Head’s partner, but even that included the nightwatchman being dropped at gully.

The 20 wickets to fall on Friday beat the remarkable 19 claimed on the chaotic opening day of the Perth Test at the start of the summer.

Boland took 3-30 from nine overs, rattling through the middle-order. Michael Neser marked his first-ever red-ball Test match with 4-45 from 10 and Mitchell Starc took 2-23 from just six. West Australian Jhye Richardson also made a neat return to the international stage for the first time in four years as the triumphant hosts loaded up on pace.

If Australia’s bowlers were the sublime, England were the ridiculous.

After losing their first three wickets for just eight runs in a nightmare hour after tea, Harry Brook used his first delivery to dance down the wicket at Starc. He made a quickfire 41 off 34 balls, but you can’t BazBall your way out of everything.

Will Jacks tried the same dumb trick later on and was out moments later for five. Under-fire wicketkeeper Jamie Smith fell in between for just two, leaving captain Ben Stokes to try and pull his side out of the fire again.

Handed the new ball after he was left out of the third Test in Adelaide, Neser tore through England’s top order. He claimed the wickets of Zak Crawley for five, caught by Smith, and Ashes debutant Jacob Bethell, who was caught-behind for just one.

Starc’s wicket of Ben Duckett left England 3-8 and the opener’s career hanging by a thread with another low score coming in the same week vision emerged, appearing to show him heavily intoxicated outside a Noosa pub.

Joe Root — England’s greatest run-scorer of all-time and only centurion on the tour — scored the longest duck of his Test career. After 15 balls, he nicked off to Neser after trying to walk towards the bowler in a trademark dismissal that epitomises his woes in Australia.

Brook’s smoke-show spread Australia’s field briefly, but never truly pushed them off the front foot. He carved the red-hot Starc over mid-off for one six and got hold of Neser for another. But his stand was over when Boland clattered a ball into his pads.

His teammate Tongue backed his cavalier approach and said it was the one most likely to succeed in the conditions.

“I don’t mind, it’s how we play our cricket, we play a very positive brand of cricket,” he said.

“We try and put pressure on the opposition and take it back to them. Obviously it didn’t work as well today, but we are going to come back again.

“I thought Brooky batted really well, the runs that he got were obviously crucial in a small first innings total.”

Boland, the MCG’s favourite son since the late great Shane Warne, had the bulk of 93,442 spectators eating out of his palm.

When Neser returned to have Stokes caught-behind, England’s last true resistance was wiped out.

Tailender Gus Atkinson slashed his side past triple figures, striking three boundaries and a six before he was bowled by Cam Green in the all-rounder’s only over of the innings.

But their ugly combustion — which played out after a week of intense scrutiny surrounding their off-field behaviour — came after wildcard quick Tongue took five wickets in the most encouraging individual performance by a tourist this series.

Tongue finished with 5-45 and was the chief destroyer as England took three wickets in the first hour and had Australia 4-72 at lunch with Travis Head, Jake Weatherald, Marnus Labuschagne and Smith all out.

It validated Stokes’ call to bowl first after winning the toss, but it also validated Australia’s to load up on quicks.

Just like the one in Perth, the MCG pitch has come under-fire, but there is an expectation warmer weather could help it flatten out.

Australia’s middle-session rot included the nightmare run-out of Green, who will now face mounting scrutiny over his place in the side after a poor batting return of 93 runs in the series.

In a Boxing Day nightmare, Green was dismissed trying to drop-and-run on the off-side. Bowler Brydon Carse collected the ball and threw down the stumps before the all-rounder could scamper through for a single that was never really on offer.

Neser top-scored at No.8 with 35 off 49 balls. Australia’s top-scorer and leading wicket-taker said post-play it was “unreal” to play in front of 94,199-strong record crowd.

“I dreamt of this as a kid, every Boxing Day I’d wake up early and me and my brother would play backyard cricket for hours and come back in and watch the cricket, the whole day is just cricket for us,” he said.

“To be part of it is just a dream come true. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.”

Tongue induced the rare sight of Smith being beaten between bat and pad. The stand-in Aussie captain — who has scored five Test centuries at this ground — fell for nine off 22 balls. He showed signs of being antsy and uncomfortable at the crease, despite carving away a stunning cover drive and a lusty pull shot in his brief stay.

It was the fifth time across formats and third time in Test cricket Tongue has dismissed the batting champion.

“He’s obviously an amazing player, I’ve grown up watching him and getting him out is a very special feeling,” the paceman said.

That’s after Head chopped a ball back onto his stumps off the bowling of Atkinson, who was England’s best in the first session.

Atkinson took his wicket and conceded just seven runs from his first seven-over spell after replacing injured quick Jofra Archer in the side.

Head had struggled to adjust to balls jumping up off a good length and took 22 deliveries to make his 12.

But Atkinson’s hard work was mitigated at the other end by a wayward and rattled Carse. The misfiring England quick coughed up five extras in his first over — the second of the match — and conceded 15 runs, including three boundaries, in his third.

The biggest roar of the day was reserved for Boland walking out as nightwatchman, then every ball he survived thereafter, including being dropped by Bethell at gully and a leading-edge that raced to the boundary.