Dane Eldridge: That time again where we’re all soccer, ah football experts

Soccer remains on the fringe in Australia but the World Cup proves it still offers something rival codes can only dream of — and it’s not just a footprint in Cabo Verde or fans that’ll pay $28 for a Miller Lite.

Yes, the footy codes will always dominate winter in Australia as will cricket in the summer, but nothing unites the nation like the Socceroos in a World Cup campaign — especially one when the sneering Yanks insult us and then back it up by beating us.

Despite this tournament occurring in the depths of footy season at unsocial kickoff times, Aussies continue to pack out live sites and drink pubs dry for every Socceroos fixture.

And while some of last Saturday’s 5am turnout can be attributed to the chance to stick it up the Americans — which ultimately only saw a shifty ref stick it up us — this four-yearly odyssey is now much more than a chance to exert soft power over big brother or remind ourselves about SBS.

Ever since the Golden Generation’s memorable 2006 campaign, the FIFA World Cup has offered Australians the rare opportunity in modern times to drape ourselves in flags and act patriotically without attracting the attention of riot police.

This has multiplied since the Matildas captured our hearts in the home tournament of 2023, meaning now we get to proudly carry on like overstimulated galahs every two years instead of four.

In fact, World Cup time has become such a calendar event for Aussie sports fans that GWS Giants captain Tony Greene publicly spat chips last week because his game clashed with the Socceroos opener with Türkiye, a curious decision likely made by the AFL in their blind belief the Sherrin is taking off in Budapest.

This not only warms the heart in a nation increasingly overrun with divisive politics and trade radio, it’s the fact we keep fronting up even for teams lacking the household names of Guus Hiddink’s side that proves this country mightn’t be totally screwed after all.

Put simply, if Australia was called in to war anytime outside of a FIFA tournament we’d be mince meat. Why?

Because the Queenslanders wouldn’t trust the New South Welshmen, the Victorians wouldn’t trust the Collingwood fans, and the rest would sulk in the corner about never getting any attention.

But not in a World Cup year.

Give us a team we’re proud of that reflects the changing face of the nation - one with no history of pay disputes or sandpaper - and schedule meaningful fixtures against sexy cosmopolitan opponents and the tribalism and politics drown out as quickly as the loudmouths on the internet.

And while the NRL will always enjoy major saturation for State of Origin and the AFL will dominate in grand final week, neither code is packing out Tumbalong Park at 5am for anything other than the world’s loosest Mad Monday, nor is an Ashes summer inspiring the nation to sip a schooner before breakfast and pretend to know what an inverted wingback does.

Yes, we got close in 1983 with the America’s Cup, but let’s be honest; who really understood yacht racing anyway?

And yes, we momentarily bound together in the 1990s for ticker tape parades for cricket World Cups, Davis Cup campaigns and a collective admiration of John Eales and Pat Rafter.

But other than occasional bursts for the Olympics, Cathy Freeman and John Aloisi’s penalty, nothing’s genuinely united Australia since Federation or the widespread condemnation of Vegemite’s iSnack 2.0.

The only game that has achieved this is The World Game — that’s football, not soccer — but sadly the game can’t do anything to help itself locally.

Despite the intense fervour around our national teams in FIFA tournaments, soccer struggles to leverage its four-yearly popularity in to the domestic game.

While participation numbers for junior soccer remain a front runner, this has never translated in to eyeballs on the A-League which in recent years has become a diehard’s pursuit concealed on deep cable.

And until the game determines how to get those wide-eyed 12-year-olds to cough up for a Paramount subscription, this is likely to continue.

But at least the game can rely on us shelving our club memberships every few years to renew our national love affair with the Socceroos or Matildas.

In closing, if there’s any country considering invading Australia, could you please postpone until 2pm Friday arvo when morale has spiked after we thump Paraguay.