Nat Locke: Do restaurants really need to laminate a set of rules asking parents to keep their kids in check?

This week, a restaurant in California made the news for a very mundane reason. The owners of Chez Xue published a set of rules for patrons of their establishment. I could reprint the whole thing, or I could summarise it for you.

OK, I’ll summarise.

The gist was: Hey parents, control your kids.

I know. Revolutionary, right? The fact that this has made worldwide news concerns me a little bit. Firstly, that the restaurant had to do it in the first place, and secondly that it was deemed newsworthy.

Basically, the restaurant requested that parents not allow their children to run around the room, making noise and whacking things with random pieces of cutlery. You have to wonder how many times this happened before they were pushed to the extreme measure of publishing such a set of rules, but here we are.

The other noteworthy aspect of this restaurant’s policy was that if a kid happens to break something while visiting Chez Xue, the parents will be promptly invoiced for the damage. So far, they’ve had to charge a family nearly $500 because their child knocked a credit card machine onto the floor and smashed it. Another was charged 10 bucks for a smashed cup. Apparently, these kids are basically cats who have a compulsion to knock things onto the floor.

Here’s the thing. There are lots of fantastic options when it comes to eating out. And parents need to know what is going to suit their kids best. If you have a kid or two who struggle to sit still, then a restaurant with some sort of outdoor area or playground is going to be a better option. Expecting them to sit still on this one, foreign occasion is a big ask, so set them up for success. A place with crayons, for example.

If I, as a diner, was to choose to go to a cafe attached to a children’s play centre, I would reasonably expect that there would be kids there, running amok. That’s why I would never go there. But if a restaurant is a sit-down, tablecloth kind of affair, I think it’s reasonable to expect that it’s an adult environment. And if you have a child who is happy to politely sample the kingfish ceviche whilst seated with a napkin on their lap, then they are very welcome there. But if not, maybe take them to Chuck E Cheese, hey?

The problem with children running around a restaurant and screaming while they whack things with cutlery is that — and I can’t believe I have to explicitly say this — it negatively impacts the experience of the other diners. And many times, that other diner has been me.

There have been times when my mouth has been literally agape as I’ve witnessed parents blissfully ignoring their children as they rampage through a cafe. One preschooler swung on the back of my chair whilst screaming something about marshmallows and when I looked helplessly towards his mother, she picked up her latte and sipped it like she was in a Moccona ad. Having met her spawn, I’ve no doubt that she deserved some “me time”, I just wished it didn’t have to come at the expense of my eardrums.

On another occasion, I was at one of those coffee establishments where you collect your hot coffee from the counter after you order. And as I carried my cup and saucer of sweet caffeinated goodness back to my table a kid careened through the area and completely knocked the coffee out of my hands and I forlornly watched it smash onto the floor. The father of this child observed these events and then did absolutely nothing. He didn’t offer to buy me another coffee. He didn’t offer to help clean up. He didn’t even tell the kid to stop running around and ruining innocent women’s lives. The manager of the cafe offered me a free replacement coffee, which didn’t seem fair, given it wasn’t her kid who was the perpetrator.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that restaurants shouldn’t need to laminate a set of rules asking parents to keep their kids in check. Parents should be wise to the limitations of their kids and choose an establishment that best suits them so they’re not ruining date night for a bunch of strangers.

Just because you CAN take kids there, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. Like, I know I can take my dog to Bunnings, but I don’t. Because I know he would bring shame upon himself and me (he has a peeing compulsion). I choose not to put him (and me) in that position.

So come on parents. Do the right thing. Especially if your kid spills my coffee. Or pees compulsively.