Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban: Why we care so much about the Hollywood golden couple’s split

If you consider yourself a serious person, you may not bother yourself over something as trifle as a celebrity split.

Famous people, like the rest of us, are always hooking up and breaking up, but if you’re really honest with yourself, you’re at least a little bit intrigued, if not downright obsessed.

Whether Timothee Chalamet really bought a Los Angeles mansion to be closer to Kylie Jenner or now that Selena Gomez has married Benny Blanco maybe her most deranged fans will finally leave Hailey Bieber alone has no impact on our day-to-day lives, but we still care.

So, when Australians wake up to the news that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have separated after 19 years, it sent if not shockwaves then at least a flurry of text messages along the lines of, “Oh noes, I really like them together, how sad”.

On the surface, what does it really matter to us?

We care because our relationships with celebrities and high-profile people are parasocial, we project onto them what suits us, whether it’s hero worship, villainy or somewhere in between, much of its based off, generally, a public image crafted by a team of paid professionals.

We might feel like we know them – some probably more than others – but we don’t. Not really. But we know what we think of them, and that has more value to us than any other version including the truth.

Kidman, or what she represents to us, has a special place in our national consciousness as one of Australia’s most prominent cultural ambassadors.

Her success on an international stage makes us chuffed, and makes Australians feel just a little bit better about our inferiority complex. It’s brilliant that Kidman, one of the most famous actors in the world, solidly on the A-list for decades, is one of us.

We get to bask in her reflected glory and say things like, “Australia really punches above its weight”.

Urban has a big fanbase among country music enthusiasts and, perhaps, among an older, female demographic. Not to diminish his popularity, but Kidman has much wider appeal as someone all Australians, young and old, and across the spectrum of ethnic backgrounds, sexuality and political beliefs, either love or respect.

No one ever knows what happens in someone else’s marriage or relationship – sometimes we don’t even know what’s happening inside our own – and the little information that has come out about the Kidman-Urban split could be the first flank in a calculated PR battle.

But that titbit that it was not Kidman’s choice, that she had worked to try to save the marriage but Urban chose to walk away, will resonate with a lot of people who have been through similar situations.

Certainly everyone has a friend whose spouse didn’t want to put in the work when things got hard.

Kidman has been on screen for more than four decades, which is plenty of time for Australians to become invested in her story, including her very public marriage and then divorce from Tom Cruise.

First it was that a Sydney girl caught the eye and then the vows of one of the world’s biggest movie stars. She’s spoken about how in the early days of that union, she felt like she was a trophy, walking those red carpets to support Cruise, to be seen but not heard.

We all followed along as Cruise seemingly fell deeper and deeper into Scientology, and Kidman, raised Catholic and very close to her Australian family, wasn’t part of that aspect of his life.

When he filed for divorce, Kidman said she was blindsided and had struggled when their marriage ended. As anyone who has been through a divorce or separation knows, of course it was hard for her. The banality of it is what makes her experience, and therefore her, relatable.

No matter how famous or privileged you are, you are not immune from the vagaries of someone else’s affections.

But she never lost the affections of the Australian public who supported “our Nic” from being tossed aside by a big Hollywood superstar. Which is why the Urban thing bites, because that was supposed to be the happy ending she deserved, and with a local boy to boot, even if he lived in Nashville.

For 19 years, that’s exactly what it looked like. They rocked red carpets together – he at Hollywood events for her, she at music events for him – and they seemed like a solid unit not afraid of a little PDA.

Two kids – Sunday Rose and Faith – came along, and they appeared to be a model of two successful humans who were both doing so well in their chosen professions.

Kidman stepped more and more into her power as an actor, a producer and power player in Hollywood, picking interesting roles and filmmakers, especially female directors who she publicly pledged to support – a promise she has more than delivered on having worked with the likes of Karyn Kusama, Halina Reijn and Sofia Coppola.

With Blossom Films, her production business with Per Sari, she threw her backing into ambitious projects, and was among the first to really capitalise on the culture shift to streaming and television.

Everyone may have joked that she was one of the busiest people in the business, releasing multiple shows and films every year, but the truth is that she is a hard worker and people respect that. We love someone who hustles, commits and then shows up.

A relationship breakdown is hard on everyone – the two people involved, their families, their friends – and it’s especially difficult for the party who didn’t choose for it to end. That process of grief is longer, more complex and world-shifting than for the one who left.

But maybe what comes next is Kidman boldly striding into her single woman era, whether it was her choice or not. Coupledom does not have to be the ideal we all aspire to.

Kidman is now armed with all the power, confidence and support she has earnt as a public-facing professional and as a private citizen over 58 years.

She could be a formidable force for all women, as someone who says happily ever after is when you choose yourself.

We can’t wait to see it.